Ten Thousand Angels
by Sevi Snape
Summary: Sometimes it's love that makes you need to leave


The characters are JKR's except the one at the end and the song is by Mindy Mcready.

****

**Ten Thousand Angels**

Hermione sat herself down in the three broomsticks and nodded at Madame Rosmerta signalling that she wanted her usual drink. This wasn't a puzzlement to the land lady; the young woman often came in here. Usually to get away from her troubles. She didn't drink a lot but when she did she drank with the intent to forget. Especially him. 

"Having trouble with him again?" Rosmerta asked as she put the glass down on Hermione's table and took the seat opposite her. 

"Same old story isn't it? I always say I won't take it any more and then I fall right back into his arms like the fool that I am." Hermione said sadly and downed the whisky she had ordered in one mouthful. 

"Well I'm sure you'll…" Rosmerta started but then the door of the pub opened and the person Hermione wanted to see most in the world and also the cause of all her pain walked in.

**Speakin**' of the devil****

**Look who just walked in**

**He knows just where to find me**

**Here we go again**

"I'll see you later my dear." Rosmerta said and went back to the bar were some customers had started to form, nodding at the man who just walked in on her way, know his usual drink  as well and going to fetch it for him.

"What?!" Hermione asked shortly as her glass was magically refilled and she downed it again.

"I knew you'd be in here you always are." The man said. 

"You always know were to find me. Now what do you want Severus?" she asked fighting back the urge to cry or slap him.

His drink arrived and he took a long drink from it before looking at her and contemplating his answer. 

"Come back to the castle. We can't talk in here we need somewhere quiet." He said putting down his glass and extending his had to Hermione. 

Reluctantly she took it and got up. She left some money on the table and followed him out of the pub and back up the castle in silence.

They reached her rooms and he opened the door to let her past first.

**I can tell he's gonna ask me to dance**

**But that's not as far as he wants to go**

**I need ten thousand angels**

**To help me tell him "No."******

As soon as the door was shut he conjured some music and lit the candles. Hermione stood uncomfortably by the door, like a guest in a stranger's house. 

"Care to dance Hermione? I know you always enjoyed dancing." Severus asked extending a hand to her. 

Hermione just looked at the hand as if it were her undoing and not just an invitation to dance. The emotions running through her brain like lightening were plainly seen in her face. 

With what looked like the effort involved in pushing a large rock up a mountain Hermione shook her head.

"No" she said plainly and turned to the fireplace trying vainly to find some warmth and support.

**Lead me not into temptation**

**Heaven help me to be strong**

**I can fight all that I'm feeling**

**But I can't do it alone**

Severus walked up to her and she felt his hand trail down her back and she shivered. She craved his touch and hated it at the same time. It was taking all her constraint not to turn and claim his mouth with hers, not to embrace him passionately and fall to the floor with him in a whirlwind of bodies and robes. She was praying to every force above to help her not to do this and to have the strength to ask him to leave.

"Hermione, I know you don't want to say no to me." Severus said almost too gently

**Help me break this spell that I'm under**

**Guide my feet and hold me tight**

**I need ten thousand angels**

**Watching over me tonight**

He barely uttered the words but Hermione could feel the effects of the spell he had just placed upon her. Her mind went blank and she was floating on air, nothing bothered. 

"Say you want me; tell me you don't want to leave. Tell me you love me."

A voice was whispering in her ear, the imperious curse he had cursed was so powerful. If only she could be like Harry and strong enough to fight.

"Severus I…" she heard her mouth say but her head was beginning to argue.

"No I won't say it I won't."

Hermione forced herself to say, trying to remember what Harry had told all those years ago, when she was a DA. Just force your thoughts. 

"No Severus I won't say it." She all but screamed. 

Immediately he lifted the spell. He looked crushed, he hadn't meant to upset her, he just wanted to hear her say she loved him. For her to mean to prove he wasn't so unlovable.

**It's time to face my weakness**

**Look him in the eye**

**Lord knows it won't be easy**

**But I've just gotta try   **

Hermione turned her back on him; she couldn't look into those dark eyes and see the pain of the blow she had just dealt him. Instead she focused her attention on the sun setting through the window, watching it sink lower and lower till it had disappeared. It had only taken about 5 minutes to do but the pregnant silence that existed in the room made it seem like an eternity. 

Eventually Hermione turned round and looked at him. First she was looking at his shoes and slowly she worked her way up bracing herself for the crushed emotion she was about to see.

"I can't say it Severus, I can't go through this anymore, no matter how I feel." She said her gaze somewhere below his chin.

Finally she looked into his eyes.

"I can't keep living like this. With the fights and the anger, I'm tired. I'm emotionally drained and physically exhausted. Severus I can't tell you how I feel. I don't want to lead you on or give you hope." She said trying to fight the urge to take it all back and through herself into his embrace.

**I can't let myself get lost in his arms**

**That's how I got my heart broke before**

**I need ten thousand angels**

**To walk me out the door**

She couldn't though; if she did she would just go on living like this. In misery never knowing were he was, arguing every time he was close. Loving him so much it hurt that she couldn't change the situation, but that would mean changing him and she didn't want to do that, she wanted him, not an idealised version.

Severus stepped forward ready to put his arms around her and promise her it would all change. She stepped away. 

"No Severus, no"

"But Hermione, if you'll…"

"No"

"I'll chan…"

"No"

"Hermio…"

"NO!"

The childminder walked in at that moment with their son, Oliver. Hermione looked at the girl and then at her son. She walked over and picked him up.

"Not anymore Severus, no. say goodbye to daddy Oliver. We're going on a holiday."

She turned to the girl in the door.

"Thanks Bessie, here's you're money, we won't need you from now on though, take care of yourself." Hermione said handing her 15 galleons for the months babysitting, with that the girl left leaving the family alone. 

Severus still hadn't moved.

"Were are we going mum?" Oliver asked messing with strands of Hermione's hair.

"Away, say bye to daddy. Bye Severus." She said simply and turned on her heel and left.

Severus stared after them and heard the door slam and a picture crash to the floor, his dreams and fatherhood smashing with it.


End file.
